Cutting Edge (heh.......heh)

A Week Into Nowhere

           The Razor Edition

So it seems that I'm still sitting on the blog sandbar and already I've waded in over my head. I have no topic.

                                                                                                                           (Sandbar Jellyfish)
                                                                                                                        (The most fearsome kind)

However, I desperately needed to update so now for hopefully a one time deal I'll post the only thing that's been rolling around in my brain as of late- a standup comedy bit that I wrote in the shower (where I generate all my best comedy). -It must be in the hair washing process that we relieve our scalp from all the dirt clogging our head pores and allow our brains to breathe that makes 90% of my developments in any field come from inside my shower. Unless it's the fact that there is nothing else you can possibly occupy yourself with, and the mind wrenching procrastinator's guilt is lifted. Honestly I think everyone would accomplish a lot more if we weren't always giving ourself grief about our lack of accomplishment.

Anyway, regardless of how poor my form is on delivering this bit via text (sorry Kenton) here it is:

Razors

Razors are always keeping on the cutting edge of technology aren't they? Every year they release another razor with one more blade than the last. OH MY GOD, GENIUS! If three blades was good, four blades must be fantastic! Hair-excecution technology-wise: what we should have been expecting by now instead of a hand-held guillotine, is a under-the-skin guided missile system that nukes hairs at the source. Instead, the R and D department must have done all their work in less than a month in the fiftties and retired to cabins in the woods where they could upkeep their facial hair on a full time basis.

Do they really think we don't know that they have a warehouse full of premade razors with progressively increasing blades until the 20 blade-rs saved for release in 2030? People are worried about Sony and Apple ripping them off but they should be directing the skepticism at the "revolutionary comfort strips" and "E-Z Countour handles" disguising themselves as technological updates while they keep the real developments for segregated distribution.

Or is it just that if they skipped right from 1-5 it would seem obscene? But once you've walked away from 4 sustaining only minor injuries- 5 doesn't seem too racy.

Or better yet, maybe the slow progression of closer shaves was made more difficult by the church. Maybe the increasingly hairless leg is looking more and more obscene, so they started a campaign. Keep your leg pores plugged up with hair or the devil will get in- and that's the cause of restless leg syndrome today- a mild demonic possession. (No big deal)

Personally, I think we're not far away from a large home-unit slab of metal -(BLADES OF THE INFINITY RAZOR UNITE!) and we'll just sharpen it and rub ourselves against it. It's our responsibility to preemptively make them ourselves and scare Gillette into releasing the whole razor bounty on us. Once we've  hit the pinacle of their technology, all of their stock will just seem obsolete and we'll all be up to our necks in free razors. People will be shaving places where there isn't even hair!- Ah what a smooth utopia...

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say for now

How about that abomination on the right?

Happy Shaving,
Brea

The Madness Begins
The Washington Post Bashes Razors